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Wednesday, January 9, 2013

I'm getting my PhD in angst

Via MyVintageBookCollection



This past week was rough (although it's Wednesday today so I don't even know at what point my week started sucking. Last week? This week?). I don't think I've been this angsty about the whole grad school process since my first year when I spent hours on the phone with my dad trying to explain how unhappy I was and how I wanted to drop out. Clearly, dropping out is not on the agenda at this point. But, trying to get done on time is without a doubt the most emotionally draining experience of my adult life. Just to give you some insights into my week, I:


  • Didn't leave the apartment once in four days because I got up in the morning and sat down at my laptop and started working. Took a shower. Ate lunch. And then kept working until I gave up and went to bed. Repeat. Bright side is that I did get my introduction/literature review/discussion chapters done and off to my advisor by the date I said I would get them done (although she never confirmed receipt. I mean, I know I sent the email so I assume she has them). Down side, um... it's really not good to stay indoors for that long because it puts you in a really bad place. Also, someone on twitter pointed out that when people play video games and sit down for several days in a row, then they DIE. That kind of stressed me out. 
  • Spent four hours + fighting with my citation manager software and then finally giving up and fixing citations by hand. I'd like to say that I recommend buying Papers, and I do love it for organizing papers, but their in text citation function can die a million fiery deaths. The only bright side to this was that as I was going though all 198 of my citations I realized that some articles I was citing didn't really say what I thought they said. Sloppy reading I guess. So I made some changes to the lit review, but now I feel like I need re-check all of my citations in the theory section of that chapter. This is making me mighty unhappy. 
  • Handled more feedback from committee members. Nothing bad, overwhelmingly positive. But given that I have a fixed date that everything needs to be turned in by, and that date is SOON, any suggestions for things that would result in major edits make me have a full on existential crisis with wailing and teeth gnashing and so and so forth. Did anyone else actually read Cathy and like it when they were kids? Think full on hair sticking out, hands to the skies, and screaming aaack!
The only way out is through at this point. And on some level I know that no committee members will stop my progression. They are all supportive (in their own ways) and on board. But it's all so daunting. I did take a break today (if you can call going to a job interview a break). I didn't touch my dissertation at least. Back to that tomorrow. Tonight I read up on all my mormon lifestyle blogs (guiltiest pleasure ever, but the stepford wife perfection sucks me in every time). 

7 comments:

  1. Just keep thinking about how great you will feel when you are all done! Do you have anything big planned to celebrate finishing? That might help to push through! You can do it!!!

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    1. We might try to go down to Florida for a vacation depending on when/if I find a job. I think my main payoff is that I've decided to buy a nice dress for graduation! Sounds silly maybe, but somehow the idea of getting to buy the black halo dress I've had my eye on for like a year makes it worth it!

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  2. Good luck, you can do it. You sound so committed and hardworking that I'm sure it'll all come together soon x

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    1. Thank you! It's one of those things where I know I'll get it done (erm, hopefully) but it just feels agonizing to get there!

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  3. Good luck! I love those moments when you get positive feedback and while it alleviates something, it's all still stressful.
    I need to find some mormon lifestyle blogs. Stepford people draw me in too.

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    1. Thank you!

      Oh they are so good! I really like nieniedialogues and lovetaza.

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  4. Good luck Thessaly! Make yourself a pot of tea and shut off that computer for a while! Go for a walk with some hot tea in hand. :)
    Trish

    www.jellybonesblog.blogspot.com

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